Remember Snuffleupagus? A Sesame Street favorite, “Snuffy” was Big Bird’s stalwart imaginary friend for years before he was finally revealed as “real” to the show’s grown ups. Our own imaginary friends may not have been quite so shaggy or original, but to us, they were just as real and just as important. Now long-forgotten, those companions helped us through some of our biggest little-kid challenges.
Today, many kids today are finding the same comfort and support. Studies show that 25% of preschoolers and 65% of early elementary school kids have imaginary companions. Even though research shows it’s totally normal for a kid to have one, some parents worry about these fun figments, asking questions like:
- Why does my kid have an imaginary friend?
- Is it normal to have imaginary friends at age 8? 12? 15?
- Are there are any benefits that come from having an imaginary friend?
The Function of Imaginary Companions
There are several key reasons why children create imaginary friends:
- The Troublemaker Friend: Some imaginary friends appear when the child is asked to do something they don’t want to do
- Gives children a safe way to challenge authority
- Allows them to express complaints through their friend without getting in trouble
- Lets them imagine doing things they wish they could do but know they shouldn’t
- The Scapegoat Friend: These friends help children deal with mistakes
- Takes the blame when something goes wrong
- Helps kids who are scared to confess their mistakes
- Provides a stepping stone toward taking responsibility
How Imaginary Friends Evolve
The journey of imaginary friendship changes as children grow:
- Elementary School Years
- Peak time for openly having imaginary friends
- Friends often play active roles in daily life
- Children freely discuss their imaginary companions
- Middle School and High School
- Imaginary friends often become more private
- May appear in diaries rather than conversation
- Still common but rarely discussed with peers
- Later Development
- Creative companionship transforms into:
- Creative writing
- Engagement with movies and books
- Creation of imaginary worlds with real friends
- Enhanced real-world friendships
Expert Insight
While some parents consider imaginary buddies a normal part of childhood, others wonder why kids have imaginary friends – or worry that a child who creates an imaginary friend is lonely. However, studies show that those kids who are particularly prone to having imaginary companions have been shown to be socially-competent and creative and to have good coping abilities. “When children develop imaginary friends, it helps their imagination,” explains Psychologist Dr. Ruth Burtman, “and it helps them develop their ways of understanding others.”
Knowing how to deal with an imaginary friend – and all the other inventive make-believe ideas your kid comes up with – can be confusing or even overwhelming. However, by embracing imaginative play, you can help your child:
- Learn prosocial behaviors like sharing and negotiating
- Develop empathy and problem-solving skills
- Work through emotions they don’t know how to express
- Form a stronger bond and attachment to you
